


My Whole Heart

by siscon



Category: South Park
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Repetition, domestic abuse, no happy ending, stan says kyles name A LOT, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 08:28:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21071918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siscon/pseuds/siscon
Summary: Stan is okay with the abuse if it’s for Kyle.// note: yes this is a vent fic, but this is not abt my current bf!! its a mix of bad relationships, friendships, and my parents





	My Whole Heart

**Author's Note:**

> i didnt proofread this sorry. also this is sad there really is no happy ending

I love Kyle with my whole heart. Every moment Kyle isn't around, my heart would ache and I would feel nauseous until Kyle came back. I don't care what Kyle does when Kyle comes back, Kyle could hit me or yell at me or hold me or comfort me or belittle me and no matter what Kyle does, I still love Kyle with my whole heart. I am certain that I would die for Kyle in a heartbeat.

That was why Kyle would ignore me as a punishment. When Kyle was mad at me, or was tired of me, or annoyed, or bored, Kyle would ignore me. This could go on for hours or days or weeks. One time, it lasted almost a month, and I had tried to kill myself. Kyle called an ambulance for me. Kyle held me in the hospital. Kyle comforted me while I was recovering.

So Kyle loves me, right? Even if Kyle hurt me as soon as Kyle was tired of taking care of me, Kyle still has to love me. Right? Because Kyle took care of me. So Kyle loves me.

Sometimes Kyle would tell me that Kyle would stop ignoring me if I hurt myself. And I would. I would hurt myself for Kyle over and over again until I was covered in scars and bruises and became weak and dizzy, until Kyle was satisfied. I did it because it made Kyle happy.

I would do anything to make Kyle happy.

I couldn't pinpoint when Kyle became so angry, when Kyle would start taking Kyle's anger out on me, but I accepted it. Because it made Kyle feel better, and I just wanted Kyle to feel better. I just wanted Kyle to be happy.

I did this even when it landed me in the hospital, with no visits from Kyle, no calls from Kyle, just Kenny holding my hand as I was barely conscious, crying, begging me to leave Kyle, that he couldn't stand to see Kyle hurt me anymore. He said we could run away together, that he would protect me, that Kyle wouldn't hurt me anymore.

But I didn't want to leave Kyle. If getting hurt and ignored and being put in the hospital and being ignored while in the hospital made Kyle feel better, it would be okay. I would do anything for Kyle.

Even if Kyle beat me to death, I would still love Kyle with my whole heart.

As time went by, Kyle grew angrier, and I was beginning to feel just a little scared for the first time. It felt like I was bleeding every day, and it was Kyle that did it to me. Kyle said I couldn't see Kenny anymore. Kyle sent Sparky away. Kyle would lock me in Kyle's room for days on end. No food. No water. No bathroom. Kyle would only let me out when Kyle felt like it. I was all alone for days and days and days.

I decided to take Kenny up on his offer of running away. I was beginning to feel terrified of Kyle, and as much as I loved Kyle, as much as I wanted to help Kyle, I was scared. I didn't want to be hurt anymore.

But Kyle found out I was going to run away. So Kyle beat me and beat me and beat me and beat me and told me I couldn't leave Kyle and told me I deserved this.

Kyle was right. I deserved this. Why would I want to leave Kyle?

Kyle beat me up every day after that. One time, I was so scared, I cried out for Kenny to help me, and that made Kyle very angry. Kyle told me Kenny was not going to help me. That he didn't love me, only Kyle loved me.

Of course. I knew only Kyle could love me.

Kyle beat me up when I cried, or when I needed a hug, or when I asked for food, or asked for water, or when I told Kyle I was scared, or when I asked if Kyle still loved me.

I don't think Kyle ever loved me at all.

One day, Kyle left to see Kyle's family. Kyle locked me in Kyle's room.

I smashed the window and ran. I ran to Kenny.

But Kenny wasn't in South Park anymore.

I went back to Kyle. I told Kyle the truth. Kyle was very angry with me. Kyle beat me up again and again and told me nobody could ever love me, that Kyle did not love me.

I knew Kyle didn't love me.

Kyle beat me up until I blacked out. I didn't wake up.

And I still love Kyle with my whole heart.


End file.
